I love looking back at my babies when they were younger. This is one of my favourite pictures (you might have caught it on my Instagram recently):
We seem so happy and we were in a lot of ways, but I was also drowning.
I had two boys under 2 years old, I was never sleeping, I was always in tears or furious, and I felt so alone. ⠀
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Silently drowning.⠀
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New motherhood is hard. Even when someone looks happy, it might just be that those smiles are masking their tears and fears. I know that was true for me. I so desperately wanted to have everything as a mom totally together right from the beginning.
I mean, I was “prepared” for motherhood. I’d read the books, I’d had deep conversations with my husband, I’d listened to podcasts and read blogs all about motherhood. I was freaking prepared.
And then I had my first baby.
Frankly, everything I thought I knew went out the freaking window. I became a mess. I had no idea what to do, I oscillated between sobbing and screaming at any given moment, and everything I had planned to do with my baby wasn’t working or was going wrong. It literally felt like I was living in a daily nightmare.
Of course it got better and easier as my first baby grew and developed some semblance of independence. I started to find my footing as a mom and felt happier and more sure of myself…but then I got pregnant again, which brought about its own set of new challenges each and every day. And once I had that second baby, it felt like I was right back in the weeds, silently drowning with a smile plastered on my face lest anyone guess how desperately hard new motherhood was for me and how desperately scared and lonely I was.
I questioned if I was meant to be a parent. I questioned if I could even get through some of those really really really tough nights and days where the crying never stopped and I was too tired to even lift my head.
Sound familiar? It is actually the experience of more moms than you probably realize.
Quite truthfully, the only thing that made me feel a semblance of normality during that time. was reading someone’s blog post that totally got where I was in my motherhood journey and having frank discussions with other moms on Twitter about how ‘in the weeds’ we were as new parents.
But my experiences with loneliness and fear as a new mom are exactly why I’m so passionate about making sure I tell the stories that might seem like an overshare to some.
I want other moms to know that if they feel like they’re drowning or “faking it”, they’re not alone. ⠀
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We’re in this together.
Even when we’re in the weeds, exhausted and feeling like we’re failing on all levels.
Even if you feel like you’re silently drowning. We’re in this parenthood thing together.
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So don’t assume happy smiling faces are the reality of new moms. Tell the stories that are hard to tell, be a listening ear even if you can’t relate, be honest about what it really feels like for you to be a mom.
Because those are the stories that really resonate and take away at least some of the fear that comes with having a baby. Those stories you tell – online or in person – will matter and make a difference to someone, that I can promise.⠀
I couldn’t agree more with this. As a new mama with a 17 month old and another on the way, it’s extra exhausting, frustrating, and many other emotions. However, no matter how many tears, I will still look back on it and know they are worth it.
I felt the exact same way! I was in Germany, no friends or family close, and my husband had to travel for work, so it was just the twins and I at first. I LOVE them, but boy did I feel alone and like a failure pretty often! Thank you for writing this, some days I still feel out of it, but it’s slowly getting better!
Love this post! mother’s need to band together and admit that we all feel this way from time to time, and it’s ok. Support is everything
I had this exact feeling when I had 3 under 5 years old at home. It was so hard. I thought I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t cut out the be their mom. As we grew as a family and me as a mom it got better but it was really hard. Thanks for sharing!
I can relate! We have all gone through this and it’s nice to hear some honesty about it.
So true! Motherhood is a lot tougher than you ever would have thought it to be!
There\’s something about adding the second child that can really throw everything off balance. My recovery to feeling better with my first was around one year, but when my second was born, it was more like 20 months to start seeing the sunshine again. Thanks for starting the conversation!
Yes! Drowning (actually suffocating) was how I explained how I often felt to my husband. I wish more women would speak out about how tough it can be at times.
Yesss! We are all in this together and it can be freaking hard! Thanks for linking up at Working Mommy Abroad, have shared!
Thanks for having such a great linkup! <3