When I went back to work after having my first son, I resented everything about being there. I hated every second I was away from my kid. I hated not hearing his voice all day. I loathed the fact that someone who wasn’t me saw him dance for the first time, introduced him to Nutella, and that his favourite moments of the day all involved people that weren’t me.
I resented the amount of money I was paying out for daycare versus money coming in from my job. I was angry about my long commute (which was coupled with morning sickness on a regular basis because I pretty much went back to work pregnant). I just was unhappy.
So we changed it all. I quit my job and took a contract that allowed me to work from home on a part-time basis. Amazing. I signed my big boy up for preschool and my wee one for daycare two mornings a week. Perfection. I am here for everything- the nose wiping, the laughing fits, the meltdowns, the highs & lows of the day. Fantastic. My wee boy doesn’t even know life without mommy at home. My big boy can’t even remember a time that I wasn’t here for him. They get breakfast lunch & dinner at home. They sing their ABCs (well, Z does), colour, play and watch tv. All with me. THE BEST.
HOWEVER, there are days, sometimes weeks, that I am kind of bored with the whole routine. And I feel guilty for even putting it out there, because all I wanted when I was at work was to be home with my babies. And it’s still all I want. But the monotony of our days can get to me sometimes, because most days are carbon copies of the day before.
Wake-up, play, breakfast, tv, errands, lunch, nap/quiet time, play, dinner, bath, bed. REPEAT. REPEAT. REPEAT.
We do something different every day- we go to the library, walk to the park, have a playdate, join a playgroup, bake, dance, sing, colour, make a craft- but it often feels like our days are different, but the same. I spend the afternoons trolling Pinterest for fun activities that take me 30 minutes to set up and 5 seconds for the kids to destroy, rip, spill, ruin. I referee constant fighting (and I mean CONSTANT) over dinos and cars. I turn on the TV in an attempt to sip a cup of warm coffee. I am always searching for a moment of normalcy, quiet, peace. I miss break time at work and chatting with my colleagues.
And don’t get me wrong, I adore being home with my kids. I love seeing them every single day and hearing their every thought (good or bad), and being the one to introduce new and exciting adventures into their lives. I love seeing them grow and learn. I really do appreciate the ability to be here all the time. It’s just that, in all honesty, being home can be boring. And we might just be the most busy little family you’ve ever met but that doesn’t necessarily make our days less same and less boring.
I highly doubt I’m the only stay-at-home/work-at-home mom who feels like this on a regular basis. I highly doubt I’m the only blogger who has ever expressed feelings of boredom with the sameness that life at home can bring. But it leads me to wonder… can we ever be truly happy with our status in life, or are we always searching for something more? Something bigger, brighter, more entertaining… different? Is everyday life every truly ENOUGH?
I get this, and I couldn't agree more with you. Every day is a little different, but it's the same routine. I try to make our outings a little different, even visit different parks, but it's still the same stuff. It's only natural to feel this way, I wouldn't look at it as a negative, like you aren't happy with your life. You are happy with the big picture, but it's the little daily things that get old, very fast! It is only natural to want to grow as a person and a family, and do new things, and of course you get bored with the same thing every day. If you were working full time, or even think back to being in school, that all gets boring too!
I guess I don't really have any advice, as I often feel the same way with our days, but just know it's normal, and you aren't the only one!
That actually makes me feel so much better! I'm not alone in sometimes being bored with this life. And you're right, I was often bored and annoyed at work as well. Guess the grass is always greener…
One of my dear mommy friends introduced me to books again and I read all the time now. It has really helped and I don't feel like my brain is mush, plus it's better then TV.. I think it's our generation, we can't sit still, we need to be doing all the time.
I agree. I can't seem to just *be*. I have to go and go and go! I'm trying to sneak in some reading here and there- I should be more diligent about it though!
It's like you are in my head saying everything I have been feeling! I have been home for almost 5 years now, and monotonous doesn't even begin to describe my days.
I get so frustrated with people (who often don't even have kids) that say "what do you have to complain about, you get to stay home with your kids, which not everyone can afford to do…" Um, unless you have actually done it I don't think you should be allowed to comment. And everyone's experience is different because everyone has different kids and different lives they are living! I too love being home with my kids, but sometimes I just need something… else!
I feel the same frustration with people who tell me not to complain. OF COURSE I adore my kids but the idea of being all kids/all the time is a lot. It just feel overwhelming the same.
I should add that I have had moms tell me that they respect me for staying home with my kids, and couldn't do it themselves. They tried and it was too hard for them – feeling a loss of identity and "boredom." Proves that you shouldn't comment unless you have experienced it yourself!
yes yes yes!!! Thanks for putting this out there and letting us all know that it is ok!! I have tried to express this to my Husband on numerous occasions and he looks at me like I am crazy, that I wanted this, to stay home, to be with my kids, to have a home business, but there are many days where I am just bored, tired and done.
It's hard to explain to people that YES, you WANT this, but it doesn't make it less boring. I wouldn't trade being home for anything, but that doesn't mean I can't feel bored with the sameness of my days.
I'm on mat leave right now, and like you did, pondering how I can work from home so I don't miss big moments, or just miss her in general.
We do a different activity every day too – but it goes by so quick and then the rest of the day seems to stretch until Daddy comes home.
Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!
It's those last hours that drag for me too. From about 3:00 p.m. onward…I just feel like time is standing still. Especially with young kids who can't just go outside and play without constant mommy supervision!
I get bored too. I have even opted to homeschool my girls. So the same old same old is going to go on for some time.
My husband doesn't get home at regular times and sometimes works away from home so I don't even always get adult conversation at the end of the day either.
It has gotten better as they've gotten older (ages 7 &4), they've start entertaining themselves and it gives me a little me time.
When I get feeling that bored feeling I remind myself that there will be a time when they will be gone (sooner than I really want). Then I'll be wishing that I had one of my boring days back.
🙂
So true. It's why I feel guilty for even being bored. I WANT to be home and I know that when my boys are older and have nothing to do with me, I'm going to be LONGING for these 'boring' days when we were together 24/7
I am a mother of five year old twins. I am also a massage therapist with the majority of my practice being pregnant women. I always warn them that once you figure out the rountine with a new baby it can be soooooo boring!! I explain the importance of finding mom groups so they can talk to other moms. I really feel that in the first six months post-pregnancy the boredom can lead to post-partum depression.
I agree. Although adult conversation can be so hard when there are wee ones around constantly needing something from you. Nonetheless, not feeling 'alone' is so important!
I find it isn't the boredom that really crushes me but rather that I can't get enough time from the day for myself. I too am homeschooling two of my three (my youngest campaigned successfully for all day K — he really needed a bigger social circle) and I've never been a career person (I freelanced as I needed to) so used to things not being a constant rush.
But when (prekids) things would slow down for me, I would be able to pick up an interest and run with it. Now when I pick up an interest (or try to really clean a room), I get so little done on it … that's frustrating!
I find the loneliness of being at home quite a challenge at times too, especially as my friends are mostly child-free — either they never had any or their kids are at school and they've gone back to work.
I'm still working it, trying to find the balance. In all honesty I am pretty sure that is what life is always about anyway. Finding that balance.
I'm glad you brought it up in this conversation.
I agree. My husband and I recently took a 3 day trip to Vegas (no kids!) and I was amazed at how much I felt like…me (ugh. cliche, but true). I also starting working out again, which I used to do everyday for hours pre-kids. Even though it means getting up at 5am, it feels normal and good to me to be working out again!! I think that's all part of the balance of being a mom and being a human being!
I think that there's this lie out there that it's possible to find perfect happiness in life. I don't think it's possible. Work is hard. Taking care of children is hard. Being a child is hard. Having children grow up and leave and growing old is hard.
We can do our best to make the most of things, but I think it's okay that it's not always scintillating. That's life. 🙂
I absolutely agree. I am sure I had a false idea of 'stay at home' mothering in my head and those expectations aren't being met. But how could they be? I think that always looking for the bigger better thing is normal, but not healthy…
It can be hard at times but it goes by so fast you will be glad you were there. When they are gone all day you will be rewarded with lots of time to yourselves and no regrets on having missed a thing. I have many friends who would retire from their jobs now if they could, but they worked and missed bringing up their kids. Honestly, the boring times would have been boring times at work too but this way you haven't any regrets on not being there for kid moments you can't have back.
I totally agree. Work was often SUPER boring… it's just easy to forget that, right?
I hear ya. It's one of the reasons I haven't quit work yet. Breaks my heart every morning when I drop Luke off at preschool, but as I sit with my colleagues over coffee, I think, hm, I miss my kids, but man is this peace and quiet and caffeine ever good.
That being said, I'd rather suffer through the "boring" humdrum of home life with my kidboos. That time is coming.
It's a hard decision to make. The grass is always greener…but I wouldn't trade morning walks and lego building adventures for anything.
I love your comment about it being different but the same. Sometimes the library activity feels just like the music class from the day before, no? I agree that it's completely normal to get bored. I went back after my first child but stayed home after my second one and the thing I probably missed most about work was socializing with my work colleagues. Although socializing with other moms is great (and I'd pull my hair out without them!), having people that you like that are completely seperate from your home life is a nice luxury.
Agree completely. It's all kind of the same. But then, to my kids, it's all different and new and fun…that's what I'm trying to keep top of mind!
Totally relate! The other day, I was thinking ahead to the teen years, and all I could think was "omg. There are a lot of mornings between now and then." Every day feels the same. What is that saying? …insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? Maybe it's not insanity, but this "Groundhog Day" thing messes with my head.