I’ve had this written since January 1. I’m not sure why I never got around to posting it. Perhaps
laziness the fear of failure? (it was laziness, but I’m sure I have some subconscious fear in there that can explain it, right?)
It’s 2012. The theme of my resolutions this year will be GO FOR IT.
Seeing as I have spent the last few years either pregnant or trying to lose pregnancy weight, I’m excited to be able to put a few goals out there that may actually be achievable. When I’m teaching a class, I always try to encourage my students to be fearless- to go for it. What’s the worst that can happen, I tell them. So what if you don’t get it right the first time or fail to be the best- it’s the trying that matters. It’s the putting yourself out there and working toward a goal that people respect and admire. It’s the setting of goals and the real drive to meet them that allow you to win in the long run. and I do believe that. But I so rarely follow that sage advice.
I’ll be totally honest. Most things in my life have come easily to me. Despite some curveballs (hello, three years to get into Teacher’s College), I have worked hard and achieved in life. In my pre-children days, I was good at school, good at my job, I had the discipline necessary to stay on the thin(ner) side, I had good friends and was decently well-liked. When I went after something I was able to grasp it without excessive effort. But, somewhere along the way (perhaps May 2, 2009) I lost that. Not that my life isn’t great- it is. Not that I’ve stopped working hard and achieving- I still am. But somewhere along the way I lost the real drive that I had in my early 20s; the drive that was the real reason that things came easily to me.
Why do I tell you this? Well, I feel like I’ve lost that go for it attitude that I worked so hard to instil in my students. I kinda let go in a haze of sleeplessness and constant need for attention by my two wee ones (which I don’t begrudge one bit- this period will only last for so long). So, 2012 will be the year I get my go for it back and really put work into the things I love.
- I will be present and active with my kids– I don’t think I’m bad at this, but I think I could be better, I don’t want my kids to remember their mom peering at them over the laptop screen, yelling at them to just give me 5 minutes of quiet. I want to endeavour to be a mom who is teaching and learning, with my kids.
- I will run a 5K– I have said I will run a 5K since I was 20. That’s a long time. I’m not a good/fast/dedicated runner, but I’m going to sign up for a 5K and, even if I come in dead last (which is a distinct possibility) I will FINISH!
- I will write and submit my writing- My written words aren’t for everyone and not everything I write will be lauded with praise, but I know that I do have some talent for telling stories and I’m going to honour that talent this year. You know, one of my biggest regrets is not going to school for something more writing related. I love being a teacher, but I love writing even more and I wish I had really explored my writing-related career options more thoroughly.
- I will learn to forgive– Ephesians 4:32- Be kind and compassionate to each other, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave you. I have struggled with forgiveness for a long time. When I feel I have been wronged, I become cold and dismissive. It’s an ugly quality that I need to do some serious work on.
- I will put myself out there– I know this seems vague, but maybe that’s because I don’t even have a fully formed idea of how I will put myself out there this year. But I will. I will take chances that I am normally too afraid to take. I will allow myself to feel insecure and nervous and disappointed and elated- but I will put myself out there regardless. I will be ready for opportunities that come my way and figure out a way to make them work. I will ask when I normally would shy away and I will agree when I normally would say no.
And I’ll hold myself accountable to these resolutions- maybe with some bloggy updates occasionally…